I am you

How do I tell you, all the things I have felt for you? I have felt your sorrow, your anguish, your frustration and your joy. I have stood in the shadows, watching. Every struggle you’ve had, every triumph you’ve won, I was a spectator to. When you felt the world was too heavy to bear, I stood by you. When you felt alone the most, I carried you. Who am I you ask? I am you…..” Indy

Today I write because I must not allow myself to sink into depression. I decided a long time ago that I must focus my energy into other things, positive things. Why should I fear tomorrow when tomorrow isn’t here yet? I still have things to be thankful for, even though my present situation may not seem like it. Most of my fears have nothing to do with me but everything to do with my girls.

You see there is a memory I have that won’t stop haunting me. Before I became homeless, there were these two girls that lived in my neighborhood. They were 11 and 12. They suffered constant homelessness because of the choices their parents made and unfortunately, no one seemed to care. I tried to call social services to see what could be done for them and they were well aware of the family I was asking about. While working a second job on the graveyard shift at the 7-11 on the corner of my block, I saw these two girls out past midnight hanging out with their aunt who was a known drug addict and prostitute. They wore way too much make-up and I had a sinking feeling about what they were up to. During the day these same kids would walk around the neighborhood begging for food to eat as their aunt had several children that looked awfully neglected. I did what I could but I was angry at this aunt and she knew I was. I started making sandwiches for those kids because if no one else would step up to help, I would.

One night I didn’t see the girls and assumed that they might have moved on to another motel for a while. They had relatives that lived in nearby apartments but I didn’t see any of the kids there. Call it intuition but something about not seeing them gave me a bad feeling. A few days later while picking up my daughter from the babysitter’s, I found out that the bodies of those two girls were found near Bothell in shallow graves. I felt like someone had punched me in the chest. I blamed myself for not doing more to prevent this and the anger and frustration I have felt at what happened to those girls has been with me ever since. This is not where I want to see my kids headed.

People who have never experienced homeless often think the worst of those who do. We’re just like you. Some of us have self-induced problems that led us into homelessness, others landed on the street because they have no safety net. Here in Washington, there is a shelter crisis because families that lost their homes and jobs are filling them up. None of that however, compares to lack of help from family members.

 So while you’re sitting there reading this or watching some tragic news on television, please don’t say “Somebody ought to do something”, because really, you are that somebody.

About invisibull

Let's see now, what should I say on here to make people think I'm more interesting than I actually am...I'm a single mother of two with a passion for helping others less fortunate than myself. I like to write, finished a book and am working on another. Other than that I live a real-life video game where the goal is to get out of homelessness and provide a better future for my kids. Peace!
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9 Responses to I am you

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention I am you | Invisibull's Blog -- Topsy.com

  2. LT says:

    Hi Indy, I came across your BlogHer post and just wanted to stop by to thank you for sharing your story. From the looks of it, we have a mutual friend, Mark Horvath. I wish for you all the best in caring for your girls and continuing with your education.

    • invisibull says:

      Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read what I write! I believe I will make my own opportunities in life since I came into this world fighting and will leave it the same way….

  3. Belinda Andrews says:

    Such moving & touching post! My problems are insignificant compared with those of the homeless.

  4. Reva says:

    I found out about your writings through Twitter with the help of @hardlynormal and @helpamotherout. I tried messaging you through Twitter but couldn’t. I wanted to put you in contact with some resources in the Seattle area if you were interested.
    I experienced homelessness both as a child with my family and by myself as a teen. I know how hard it can be for children and parents alike.
    One thing that really stood out for me in your Blogher post was the fact that your daughter writes poetry. Both creative writing and having a mother with an indomitable spirit were two things that helped me make it through.
    Today, I am a mother of a 4 year old girl and I own my own buisness teaching self defense.
    I know several women in the Seattle area who would love to teach you and your daughters. It is very empowering and helped me heal in many ways. Please feel free to contact me by email or at Twitter @girlempower
    Stay strong my sister,

    • invisibull says:

      Hi Reva,

      What kind of self-defense do you teach? The maternal side of my family practices Escrima (Philippino stick fighting), and I had a great grandmother who was a sword-fighter. I myself have dabbled in Tae Kwon Do and have a best friend who teaches martial arts. Good ol’ uncle Adam is always trying to get my girls to stand up for themselves. He has 3 black belts and just started Kenpo. I am blessed to have him as my adopted lil’ bro!

      True empowerment will come from within as I constantly stress that with both my girls. They have learned how to stay aware of what’s going on around them because they had no choice but to learn that. I am always encouraging them to learn survival skills in case some catastrophe befalls this country because being prepared for anything at any given time will ensure their survival. Interestingly enough, because we are always on the move, in many ways it has protected us from being victims of violence.

      Bless you for your kind words!

      • Reva says:

        Thanks for responding 🙂 You’re right true empowerment comes from within.
        Empowerment for me is teaching self defense. Your family’s background in martial arts is very cool.
        I teach self defense from a non martial arts perspective. I am not a martial artist and focus primarily on teaching ground fighting to women and girls to prevent sexual assault. Being a survivor myself.
        Best of luck to you in everything,

  5. IrishPeach says:

    Man, I say everyone has a story, and you sweet lady have that! I wish you well, & you’ll be on my list of people I pray for, if ya don’t mind.

    Well written! Thank You for sharing!

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