That’s not me

Look at me and tell me what you see. I may not be who you think I am. Please don’t mistake my composure for being at ease, that may not be me.

They say I’m strong, but I’m not so sure. This is all I know how to be. I made a promise a long time ago that I wouldn’t let either of my daughters go. To hell and back but not dazed, lights of the future are dimmed I’m afraid.

Isolation has become my consolation for in it I find familiarity. I am familiar with having two jobs since I as twelve. I am familiar with being forgotten, overlooked and ignored. I am familiar with never getting enough sleep. I am familiar with never having enough money or time to be the mother my kids need and want me to be. I am familiar of having family but no family. I am familiar with not enough me.

Assumptions of others I have grown weary, so let them believe what they find necessary. Is she gay, have a boyfriend, never married, NOT DATING?! Alone all the time, what’s she hiding, is she faking? They just don’t get it, can’t understand, would rather believe I’m a lesbian, they choose what they see, cannot accept vows of celibacy.

Hypocrites, liars, putting on airs, people who don’t give a damn, just wanna get theirs, that’s not me. 

Caring, sharing, helping, preparing, people with stories worth telling…..wait, that is me!

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About invisibull

Let's see now, what should I say on here to make people think I'm more interesting than I actually am...I'm a single mother of two with a passion for helping others less fortunate than myself. I like to write, finished a book and am working on another. Other than that I live a real-life video game where the goal is to get out of homelessness and provide a better future for my kids. Peace!
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3 Responses to That’s not me

  1. Isolation has become my consolation is a great line. I love it.

  2. Belinda Andrews says:

    Like you, I’m a single mum with two daughters. My husband & I parted 11 years ago while my daughters were 11 & 15 years of age. I studied part-time towards a university degree while helping my daughters with their academic work & holding the family together. I was determined to graduate with my degree & making sure they also gain a university education. Now only my younger daughter is yet to finish her degree while my elder daughter & I are earning a comfortable living in our respective professions. I have been leading an isolated existence, just me & my girls for all those years. Yet I am sure it was the isolated existence that helped me carve out a reasonably comfortable life.
    You wrote: [Assumptions of others I have grown weary, so let them believe what they find necessary. Is she gay, have a boyfriend, never married, NOT DATING?! Alone all the time, what’s she hiding, is she faking? They just don’t get it, can’t understand, would rather believe I’m a lesbian, they choose what they see, cannot accept vows of celibacy.]
    It is exactly how other people view me. Frankly, I don’t give a damn. I chose celibacy & solitude for I trust nobody. They don’t pay my mortgage. They don’t pay my grocery bills. They are nobody!
    Your circumstance is so much more difficult than mine was, yet you still manage to keep your family together, the three of you. I am not religious but I believe our creator rewards those who help themselves. You never know, something brighter might be waiting for you around the corner. Hang in there!

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