Look at me and tell me what you see. I may not be who you think I am. Please don’t mistake my composure for being at ease, that may not be me.
They say I’m strong, but I’m not so sure. This is all I know how to be. I made a promise a long time ago that I wouldn’t let either of my daughters go. To hell and back but not dazed, lights of the future are dimmed I’m afraid.
Isolation has become my consolation for in it I find familiarity. I am familiar with having two jobs since I as twelve. I am familiar with being forgotten, overlooked and ignored. I am familiar with never getting enough sleep. I am familiar with never having enough money or time to be the mother my kids need and want me to be. I am familiar of having family but no family. I am familiar with not enough me.
Assumptions of others I have grown weary, so let them believe what they find necessary. Is she gay, have a boyfriend, never married, NOT DATING?! Alone all the time, what’s she hiding, is she faking? They just don’t get it, can’t understand, would rather believe I’m a lesbian, they choose what they see, cannot accept vows of celibacy.
Hypocrites, liars, putting on airs, people who don’t give a damn, just wanna get theirs, that’s not me.
Caring, sharing, helping, preparing, people with stories worth telling…..wait, that is me!